i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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