i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
