is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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