My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize