More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
