i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
