That's when you crack a 10am beer
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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