break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
