The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
