I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
