you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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