I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
