And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
