What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
