I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize