Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am mentally ready for anal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
