she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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