Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you.
Bad choice
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