i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
