No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
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