so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
