I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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