were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
