You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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