As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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