oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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