I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
