Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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