so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
