If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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