Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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