i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
