I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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