so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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