Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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