Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
