i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
sex in a hospital.. check
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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