Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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