It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
