Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Still dying that you shit outside
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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