nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
