omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
