i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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