I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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