There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
