basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
