Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
