He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
