hotel room ftw
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
