omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let's get the cat blown out
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
