Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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