Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
