i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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