I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
