i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
