I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's shark week go big or go home
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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