Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
