I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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