apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
