she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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